Rememberance
by snowxhanyouxqueen
Summary: Inuyasha visits the original sight of his father's death for the first time in his life since his birth. Reflecting back on his father, he has many things he wished he could have said to him when he was alive...and a wish he knew could never be granted. Ask prompt drabble.


_**A/N: a drabble for my roleplay community that I joined up with again. The prompt was "My muse has been dead for years. On the anniversary of their death, your muse goes to visit their grave. What do they say?" This gave way to some Inupapa and Inuyasha father/son feels, and oh lord I cried when I wrote it. Ignore spelling mistakes. I was crying and shoving food into my mouth so I'm sorry if half of it doesn't make sense. Enjoy~**_

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**Remembrance**

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Inuyasha wasn't exactly sure when his father had died, but his mother had told him on the night of his birth it was possible that he had lost his life. It was kind of up in the air for him, but knowing roughly when he was born, the day of his two hundred and something birthday, the hanyou hunted down the castle of his birth. It was covered in flora and fauna now, but the remains of the burnt building were clear under all the greenery. Lifting up a few burnt pillars out of the way, the hanyou carefully walked among the ruins of his birth home.

Looking around at the trees and flowers, he grabbed up a few different kinds and bundled them up. He didn't want to be completely disrespectful to his old man, despite how much he hated him for dying and leaving him alone to suffer the loss of his mother. Walking around and stepping over some puddles and bones, he came across a crumpled building and placed the flowers down. It had clearly been tampered with, especially since all the swords had been taken from his father's body before, so Inuyasha wasn't all too surprised to see bits of armor and hands sticking up.

While his father may have a grave in the netherworld, his real bones were still here. Reaching into the rubble, Inuyasha pushed aside burnt wood and other mangled objects until he found the body of his father. Sighing, he grabbed the bones by the armor and hulled the demon's remains out of the wreckage and propped them up in the open.

Glancing down at him, the hanyou placed the flowers in his lap and put his bone hands over the stems before sitting down across from him.

"So...This would be the fourth time I've seen you...the first time I've seen you like this though..." He whispered, letting out a long, heavy sigh before he looked up at the blue sky.

"I don't know why I came here. Just so you know. It's not because I love you, or because I miss you that bad...It's because I have a lot to say to you, and I can't go back to your giant remains in the afterlife..." He huffed and shook his head, "Whatever...the point is...I wish you were here sometimes. Like...after mom died and stuff...I could have used your guidance and wisdom so many times. Like I'm a total moron when it comes to battle. All brawn over brains...charging in and fighting on my back, claws out...I'm a fucking monrel..."

Inuyasha looked away, "A mutt...A hanyou...I've been picked on since the day I was born...even more so when mom died, and I think she missed you a lot. Raising me wasn't an easy task...and once she died I almost died...I've almost died a lot. Sometimes coming close to seeing you in the flesh because of Sesshomaru...I honestly think he misses you a lot too...I think even now...after so many years he feels just as lost as I do...He's grounded, he has companions and we're talking like normal people now...But I dunno...I can tell he wishes you were there to help a little too...He met this girl name Rin, and she changed him for the better. And he has Jaken, who's a total asshole, but you know, he's fun to pick on and sometimes we chuck rocks at him because it's funny.."

He laughed a little and then frowned, "I met a girl...I love her a lot...but I don't know if I can be with her...I don't know...I don't know what I feel...I'm scared she's going to die like you, like mom...like Kikyo. My friends are going to die too one day...They're all human...Sesshomaru is probably never going to die, and we aren't that close that I'd hang around him for the rest of my life...I don't even know how long I'm going to live..."

Picking at some long grass around his feet, Inuyasha looked up at his father's bones, "Did you ever wonder that? How long a half breed would live? Did you regret having me when you realized that humans couldn't have full demon children?..Did you really want me?...It's stupid to think this shit, like you gave me Tetsusaiga, but it was only because I was weak. You know I'd lose myself to the demon inside, you knew I wasn't strong enough to survive...so you did everything to make me look strong when you knew I wasn't. But it was _me _who defeated two dragons! I mastered the techniques you couldn't! I beat Sesshomaru, and I beat everyone! But you're not here to see me succeed!"

Standing up, the hanyou kicked his father's bone foot. "You probably doubted me in death too...who knows if you're watching...But...I wish you could have seen me grow...I wish you could have taught me what you taught Sesshomaru, and it's not fair that he got to see your face for years, and I never got to see you at all! It hurts, dad! It really hurts that the one time I come to see you for my own gain you're a pile of bones in the ruins of a place I don't even remember! I miss you! I miss mom! I don't even remember her face! I'm alone in this world, because no matter how many friends I make, I'm still stuck in between!"

Wiping at his eyes, he sat back down and shuffled his way closer to his father's bones. "Dad...I really wish you could come back...because I really want to punch you in the face...but even more so...I want you to hold me and tell me you're proud of me...That's all I ever wanted...was to hear you say that you were proud...that you love me...that you loved mom and Sesshomaru...I wanted you to be there when I got mated or married...to see your grandkids...to meet Shippo and all my friends..." He wiped at his tears and sniffled, "Dad...if the sacred jewel hadn't been evil the whole time...and it actually worked...I wouldn't have wished to become a full demon..."

He got up and turned away, bolting from the scene as his body began to shake. He couldn't say the words he wanted to out loud. It was too hard to admit that all he ever wanted about everything else was to bring his dad back, at least for one day, to tell him he loved him despite of everything.


End file.
